From Mum, with love.

I know, I haven't been blogging for AGES....but I cannot help but want to put this article written by my mum to me for my 25th birthday present. Reading through it really reminded me how much a mum's love for a child is really worth: priceless.

Remembering you on your 25th Birthday

Before my memory lapses as age advances, I think I better pen down all that I could remember of you so that you could relate them to your juniors, if there be any in future.

You cried the loudest of all the babies in the ward, thus were accorded ' the crying champion' by Dr Chew in the KL Chinese Maternity Hospital 25 years ago. Your cry continued after birth for it was around this time that your dad sank into the lowest ebb in his career and dark clouds shrouded the family and laughter had become a scarcity for some time.

For this reason, dad always has a soft spot for you in his heart. You did not get to play as many toys as your elder brother did. Even when situations and circumstances had changed for the better in the ensuing years, dad's guilty feeling towards you changed not.

You could win your dad's heart easily with your thoughtful acts and words. Once, your dad wanted to pay you for voluntarily washing his car but you told him matter-of-factly that it's unnecessary as 'what dad has also eventually will become mine."

Towards your siblings,though you were rather hard on your younger brother, there's this bond between you and 'koko'. that no one could sever. You would wait for him to come back from his primary school and open an umbrella to welcome him home.

Whatever koko did, you wanted to imitate even his Chinese caligraphy style. Wherever koko went, you wanted to follow. This sometimes got on koko's nerves and he would complain to me and asked you to go away.

Once Aunty Choo deliberately whispered into your ears 'a secret' but all she said were only these words, "Don't tell koko." When koko pestered you to tell him the 'secret' and you willingly , faithfully related the same words to him but this would only provoke koko to anger which your tender mind could not comprehend, "I am loyal to koko. I leaked out the 'secret' to him and why was he still unhappy with me?"

When koko held your little hands and walked across the zebra crossing to Como pre-school in Perth, I was watching closely from the balcony with baby Francis. Sometimes, during recess, I would go over to see how you had been doing. Many times, I saw you sitting alone in the school yard, peeking over the fence, trying to catch glimpses of koko who was playing with
his classmates.

Even when we moved to Gosnells later and enrolled you and koko in the Seaforth Primary School, koko was much agitated because you refused to play with your classmates and insisted
on trailing koko everywhere he went in the school. Once, koko's classmae, Marcus, invited koko to his birthday party in Como, I had to ask Marcus' parents for permission to allow you to tag along lest you felt hurt. It was only after a few months in the school that you were able to acclimatise and make your own circle of friends.

Remember that fierce piano teacher in Victory Park? She told me you were the first boy who was brave enough to play duet with her in front of all her students. You were eight then, yet you could display such accuracy in your note reading, scales and courage to play in public, what more, together with the fastidious teacher!

You were traumatized on our return to Malaysia. You refused to follow your dad to school as the Malay teacher spoke a different langauge. Your limited knowledge of written Mandarin also posed a set back. The encouragement of your Chen Moh Primary School classmates helped a great deal in your settling down in your new school. Though you encountered hiccups in your initial examinations, you managed to excel towards the end of your first year there. It was amazing how you scored 100 marks in your first Chinese Maths paper by applying what dad taught you: memorizing these words that meant 'minus' and 'plus' despite your failure in reading the questions.

There were moments in your younger days too that were worth laughing over like in an occasion when all the cousins came and you played 'hide & seek' with them, I took the trouble to lift you up and hide you in a big toy box under the staircase but you revealed your hiding place by pulling the string of a musical toy you found in the box.

On the way to your art class one day, the car driver in front of
ours was taking his time to manoeuvre his vehicle amidst the traffic that you sighed in Mandarin 'man tun tun' and wished that you could reach the art class earlier.

Then also was this joke during our tour to the Madam Tussaud Museum in Britain: while waiting outside, your eyes
were looking eagerly in every direction, looking for a lady wielding two swords who, of course, would never appear.

In your Upper Primary years, you incurred my wrath once when your friend's mother rang me up and asked me what I should do about your losing her son's new watch. I was in shock and fury as I wasn't aware of you borrowing your friend's expensive watch and losing it in the swimming pool. You didn't tell me anything, probably you were trying to save your pocket money to repay him before news got to my ears. My rage took over me and I pelted your calves with your school belt so hard that you wrote in your school diary that you learnt a lesson that day that you would never want to be vain and
covet people's luxury items again.

You were so enthusiastic about playing violin that you didn't mind practising it in the Millenium Park alone, braving the stares of all the passers-by. Though we do not have opportunities to hear your pieces anymore now that you are away, it's comforting to know that the passion to play music still lingers in you.

These are just some snippets of my memory of you in your growing years. They might not be the best gift and are not in proper chronological order. I may not be a perfect mother, am just a plain, ordinary mother, so plain and ordinary too is my gift to you.

Blessed birthday, son.

Help Malaysia!

My heart is with Malaysia wherever I may be. Malaysia is in distress, politicians are bringing it into ruins. If you have been following the latest Malaysian news on the blogosphere, you will agree with me.

And so despite my long absence from this blog, I am making the effort to join forces with other suffering Malaysians in crying out for help. I will be raising the Malaysian flag upside down as a symbol of distress. Please I beg you fellow Malaysians, take 5 minutes to have the upside down Malaysian flag displayed in your blog too.

Hopefully this will catch international media and put our current politicians to shame. Its about time Malaysian politics gets a thorough cleansing. Out with the corrupt, bring in transparency!

Please visit this blog for more details about this online movement.

Use-by-date

We often see scenes in movies where in the business world people are attracted to icons only as long as the icon stays as an icon. As soon as he stops being an icon, he is what people call past his 'use-by-date', neglected and forgotten.

I suppose that's why people always caution me that the business world is evil, full of shallow people, and that it is hard to have real friends in business.

I know some people out there already think I am past my use-by-date. Hardly so. I am only past my use-by-date when I have shown the whole world that I am capable of building myself an empire. I do not do it because I want recognition, or fame. I do it because I know I can, whether or not I am respected is the least of my concerns. And when I build my empire, I will ensure that EVERYONE in my empire remains respected, even if they are deemed to be past their use-by-date.

Watch out!

=).

Alignment

Have you ever felt like you were stuck in a situation where whatever decision you made would be a wrong decision?

The concept of alignment is very often unappreciated in our daily lives. We go about on our daily routines, and allowing the people around us and the society to dictate our lives, and slowly, because there are so many forces pushing and pulling us in so many directions, we lose alignment of our spirit, soul and body. This is when we feel like we're 'stuck' or 'trapped' in our circumstances and situations, unable to get out. Truth is, we're not really 'stuck', we've just lost alignment, and the solution for getting ourselves 'unstuck' again is just to re-align ourselves.

So how do we re-align ourselves? Re-alignment really should be an ongoing process. To re-align ourselves, we need to constantly evaluate who we are, what values we hold on to, and whator who are the most important things in our lives. We rank these things according to their importance to us, and then adjust our lives so we divide time according to the order of importance. That usually means making changes in our lives, cutting some activities out from our lives altogether, adding new ones; breaking off friendships, making new ones; etc etc. Remember, the trick is to re-evaluate our values AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE, because we're living things, we are not constant, we are always undergoing change, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually.

Have you already embarked on the journey of re-alignment?

Disappointment

We often are disappointed at the people we truly care about. It seems the more we care about someone, the easier it is to be disappointed by them. And the bigger the disappointment.

My explanation for this is that the more we care about someone, the higher our expectations of them. And disappointment happens because the reality does not meet our expectations.

Many times we don't really need to experience disappointment. All we really need to do is learn how to lower our expectations for the ones we love. There is a popular phrase that goes "If you love someone you let them go free, if it's meant to be they will come back to you". A little rephrasing by me, and now it goes "If you love someone you lower your expectations for them, and if it's meant to be they will surpass your expectations". I mean, really, if we love someone, then all we want is for them to be happy. How can they be happy if we show our disappointment to them just because they don't meet our expectations? I find that when I lower my expecations towards others, I am more likely to be pleasantly surprised when they surpass my expectations. More things to be happy about! =).

So just remember. If we can't change the people we love, we change ourselves. That is one secret to happiness.

The brave and the cowardly

Who are the brave and who are the cowardly in relationships?

Sometimes it is the cowardly who tend to pretend to be brave, and the brave who are misunderstood as being cowardly.

How often have we been guilty of not wanting to take the first step in resolving an argument in a relationship? We often rationalize and justify our behaviour by saying things like:

"It's his/her fault. Why should I take the first step? If I take the first step, it will seem it is always my fault, and then he/she will always keep taking advantage of me. I have to be brave and stand firm on my ground, I'll wait for him/her to apologize first. If he/she doesn't apologize first, then he/she probably isn't worth my time. I need to protect myself."

Are they really being brave? I personally think that these are the cowardly.

The brave are the ones that are not afraid to look stupid by taking the first step to apologize, regardless of whether they think they have done any wrong or not. The brave are the ones that are not afraid to bare their soul and expose themselves to the other half, to allow their hearts to be at the mercy of the other half, for good or for bad. They are brave because they are willing to risk their heart being trampled on by making themselves vulnerable, because they know that by being vulnerable they also allow the other half to shower them with more love and tenderness. They are not afraid to be hurt, because they know they can always pick themselves up again.

The cowardly are those that are so afraid of letting their heart get hurt, they unconsciously build a huge impenetrable wall around their heart. A wall so thick and impenetrable, that although they manage to keep people from hurting their hearts, they also hide the bright glow of their hearts from the view of others. They are forever hiding behind that wall, afraid to open their hearts to anyone, and they will ultimately end up being lonely, and deserted. And cowards will remain just that. Cowards.

Remember to ask yourself about the brave and the cowardly the next time you run into an argument with someone you love dearly.

Are you brave, or are you cowardly?

Balance point

Life is so often akin to walking on a tightrope. The key to survival is finding the balance point.

I can't remember where I read this statement before, but it has stuck with me ever since.

"In life, you are either in balance, or out of balance, there is no in between"

And I couldn't agree more.

When we are in balance, everything goes smoothly. We sit on a bicycle, and when we are in balance all we feel is the breeze gently massaging our ears as we ride effortlessly down a road. All is happy, all is well. Things just fall into place like fitting jigsaw pieces. Perfect.

Once we get out of balance, everything turns into havoc. Suddenly the breeze feels like a typhoon about to send you crashing straight into a tree. People who remain strong and calm manage to make those oh-so-subtle adjustments to bring themselves back to balance, and all becomes well again. But those, oh those who overcompensate, or those who fail to make any adjustments at all, they slip and fall from the tightrope, and are sent crashing. And while most people tend to slowly, if not surely, regain enough courage to walk down the tightrope again, some fallen ones call it quits, and never give life a second chance.

Are you in balance, or are you not? Have you found your balance point?

Babypower

It's amazing what babies can do.

Well, at least what they can do to me.

Recently I have been feeling frustrated at myself for not living up to my own high standards in all areas of my life. It would have been easier for me to blame others for who I am and where I am now, but clearly there is nowhere I can point my finger towards and say 'It's all your fault!'. And trust me when even you are frustrated at yourself, there is not a lot that can cheer you up.

Then comes a spur of the moment decision to surf youtube for baby videos.

There are so many awesome baby videos out there!!! =) While most funny adult videos actually require the adults to be doing something funny to make me laugh, the babies in the video didn't even have to do a thing. Within 2 minutes I was full of joy, just seeing their cute little faces!

Made me wonder why I got frustrated with myself in the first place. As long as I think like a baby, I can be just who I am, and will still be loved!

GoGo Babypower!

Passion

Are you passionate enough?

We often indulge in hobbies because we enjoy the sense of achievement and satisfaction these hobbies bring us. We play computer games, we go clubbing, we play sports, we go shopping, etc etc, and we proudly tell others: "Oh I spend a lot fo time on my hobbies because i'm passionate about my hobbies".

But when asked why don't they make their hobby into their career, most people will shrug and say: "You don't need to earn money doing the things you love, because you love it so much you won't mind doing it for free..."

I say:

If we're not serious enough about the things we love to make a living out of them, then we're probably not passionate enough about them.

Think about it. Tiger Woods. One mention of that name, and you will know he is passionate about golf. Muhammad Ali. Boxing. Bill Gates. Computers. Donald Trump. Real estate. Warren Buffet. Shares.

Only amateurs indulge in hobbies. They only play for fun. And quite obviously, they are NOT passionate enough about it. Professionals play for keeps, and I dare anyone to question professional's passion towards the things they do for a living. Professionals would also do the things they love for free, but then if they had to spend lots of time doing things they weren't passionate about just to make money to survive, how much time would they actually have to indulge in the things they love doing?

I've already decided that I will be taking the things I'm passionate about and make them into my sources of income. At the moment, they are: Kids, Music, Sport, Art. And I have every intention of building businesses related to these passions of mine.

Already I can read a lot of your thoughts. While you may think i'm too naive and have not gone through the hard knocks of life to know how hard it is to acheive the things I want to achieve, I believe that when someone is passionate enough, it doesn't matter how many hard knocks it takes, one will succeed eventually.

Are you passionate enough?

Regrets

I have been reading Richard Branson's autobiography named 'Losing my Virginity'. For those who don't know who Richard Branson is, he's the founder of the Virgin brand. I'm only 1/10 into the book, but already i'm hooked. His life story is so interesting! Always full of adventure, full of challenges, and he is constantly living life to the fullest, and never allows fear to cripple him! Amazing!

I think I am inspired. My life thus far has hardly lived up to its expectations. I used to think that I have lived life to the fullest, striving to be the best I can be in all areas of my life, be it studies, relationship, health, work, social, sports, music, art etc etc....but it seems I haven't been trying hard enough.

That's it, my life resolution is to always push my limits and confront my fears.

New motto for DrJazzi: NO REGRETS!

Being one and only

Sometimes it's hard being unique. The society just doesn't allow breathing space for such people. It cries out of 'conform, or risk being snuffed out'.

I hate being suffocated.

Guess I'll just have to learn to breathe without air.

Bring it on.

Meaningless conversations

Have you ever felt that you were engaged in a meaningless conversation?

I have been feeling a lot of that recently. Perhaps it is because I have changed. And sometimes I wonder whether I have changed for the better or worse.

Nowadays I find a lot of conversations meaningless because they tend to focus too much on too little a detail. I find it particularly frustrating especially when people in the conversations are so focused on proving their point that they don't even bother to really sit back and take a little time to digest what the other party is trying to say before conjuring up a response. I mean, what are conversations really all about? Shouldn't it be about meaningful interaction between people? If we are so focused on making our voice heard, is that really meaningful interaction?

I wonder.

Give it a try. During a conversation, before your tongue starts going on like a runaway train, pause, take a deep breath, and ask yourself what you are really trying to achieve by saying the things you are about to say. Also ask yourself whether you have really understood what the other party was trying to convey to you.

It works wonders when you give it a try. Brings out a whole new meaning to conversations.

First Do No Harm

Medicine is getting more and more out of touch with the real society. In my night shifts in Boxhill Hospital, I have witnessed many decisions being made without first considering the most basic rule of medicine: FIRST DO NO HARM.

Old patients are the ones who suffer the most, they are often very misunderstood, and treated all alike: If a patient looks confused, sounds a bit confused, then just give him/her some anti-psychotic medication, or a anti-anxiety medication. If that doesn't work and patient becomes aggressive, just restrain him/her to bed.

I find this practise very disturbing. There are always good justifications for their actions. "The patient refuses to cooperate", "The patient is disturbing all the other patients", "The patient is at risk of absconding", "I have too many patients to look after, I can't be spending 30-60 minutes just trying to calm him down". The list goes on.

I absolutely refuse to conform to these practices unless it is the last resort. Many a times I have managed to calm these patients down just by listening to them, acknowledging their pain and suffering and loneliness, and then negotiating a win-win deal with them.

Maybe it's my turn to start a trend. A retro trend in fact, one that reminds every health worker to FIRST DO NO HARM.

Wish me luck.

Macro vs Micro

A friend named Yi Qiu sent me a long message on Facebook, she painstakingly explained the whole process of macrocosmic vs microcosmic attitudes to life. Summarising these 2 concepts would be an analogy like this:

Are you the ant, or King Kong? Are you one that works better with the little details, or one that sees the big picture?

I believe macro vs microcosmic attitudes are two extremes of a continuum, most of us are a complex mixture of both attitudes. Some just have a tendency to sway heavily in favour of either side.

I believe I certainly am more of a macrocosmic person. Often I find myself taking a step back from everything, and think about the bigger picture. Oddly, seeing the macrocosmic picture helps me align the microcosmic part of things. For example, by pausing and thinking what I want to achieve in my future (the bigger picture), I am able to work out the things I need to do on a daily/weekly basis in order to help me get to where I want to be.

Having said that, I truly respect the people who are microcosmically oriented. These are like the lubricant that keeps engines going. In *my work setting, nurses are great microcosmic people. They are able to pay attention to all the details, and iron out all the mistakes I make unintentionally. Not to mention the TLC (tender loving care) they are able to provide patients. I've made an effort to learn from them, like giving that much needed smile and love to patients who have been suffering in hospital, offering a reassuring squeeze to the palms of these patients.

That I believe keeps me in balance, so I do not forget to keep in touch with the little things that matter.

So have you worked out whether you are more macrocosmic or microcosmically oriented yet?

Leadership

Some people are born leaders; others are made.

I've never thought of myself as anything less than a leader. In everything I did, I would always strive for the best, because only the best deserves to be the leader. After all, that's why they LEAD in the things they do right?

I could not be so wrong.

Leadership has taken on a new meaning to me. Sometimes leadership is not about the 'no-one-can-do-it-better-than-me' attitude, it's not about having to show everyone the best way to do things.

Leadership is about bringing out the best in people, bringing out the leader from within them. It's about being able to know who's the best person suited for the task, and letting him run the show. It's about standing behind the scenes, allowing those you lead to shine in your place.

Most importantly, leadership is about following. Following what your heart tells you is best for the people you lead.

Who am I

Dear Dr. Jason Goh of the future,

Have you manged to figure out who you truly are yet? Because at the moment I am really struggling to find peace with who I truly am. It seems I am divided into pieces; not really able to figure out who I am and what I really stand for. I vaguely know what I want in life, that is to live a life pleasing to God, and to benefit as many people as possible in the process, and I have already made up my mind to create the Maternal and Child Health Service in Malaysia, but...is that it? Is that all there is within me? Am I limited to just helping the kids of Malaysia? What about the people who are waiting for me to inspire them to go on and do greater things? The people who are asking for a leader to show them how it's done? Have you, dear future me, figured out the way to do it yet? How many people have you inspired so far? How many lives have you touched?

Please reply me ASAP, I look forward to your reply.

Cheers,

Dr. Jason Goh of the present.